Jay Chase

Feb 21, 2023


How Starting a Morning Routine Boosts Your Self-Leadership Skills & Confidence and How to Communicate Better with Jay Chase


people, leaders, life, leadership, felt, communication, absolutely, yo, develop, speak, podcast, overcome, jay, point, spent, pour, forgiveness, leadership development, started, relationships


Megan Swan, Jay Chase


Megan Swan 00:03

Welcome back to energetically you, where we talk all about optimal wellness abundance and growth mindset and confident decision making. I'm your host Megan Swan and wellness coach and consultant. I work with high performance humans leaders and modern companies to thread more wellness into their lifestyle and company culture. So ultimately becomes a way of life and not a checkmark on the to do list today. I am excited to get to know better and interview Jay Chase. He is a certified speaker, coach and host of the top rated Don't touch my mindset podcast. Jay is passionate about helping people overcome the self manufactured limitations and thinking Jay has a high sought after motivational speaker he's a saw with Jay is a high sought after motivational speaker and champion for recovery and sobriety. That is one of the ways that I know him through the sober curator. So I am so excited to get to know him in this light and talk all about leadership and self leadership. Let's dive in. Welcome, Jay. I'm very excited for this conversation and to get to know you better, more in your own limelight. And yeah, let's just start with you. You were mentioning off the top that you get up at I think 3:45am is telling me all about your morning routine.

Jay Chase 01:44

Yeah, absolutely. Well, one, it's a pleasure to be here. absolutely honored. Thank you for having me on the show. But yeah, 345 every single morning, I've been doing it for almost two years now. And and that is vital to me. Because I spend the first hour with developing relationships with my higher power. And then I'm able to journal write down how I'm feeling what I'm like, what I'm thinking how I'm being creative. And then I'm able to look at my tasks for the day, and actually look at what I want to get done, how I want to go about the day, and what I need to get done. And then I started attacking today probably about 6am, fully charged up and ready to pour out into everybody.

Megan Swan 02:27

Wow, that is really powerful. So what got you onto that practice?

Jay Chase 02:37

I'm finding ways to put myself first, you know, like, so often in our lives, we get caught up in how we should serve others, how we how we tend to treat others how we put others first for other people's feelings. And there's a point in my life where I'm like, yo, I gotta put me first, I gotta take care of me. But life was on a decline in even in sobriety, you know, just six years sober. But even in sobriety, you know, I had to restructure my morning routine. Because I say we change, we develop, we evolve. And as I evolved, I figured that I want to start by, I want to start my own company, I wanted to help more people. But what I realized is that we don't get more time in the day. So the power of sacrifice really kicked in when I was like, Alright, how bad do you really want to pour out into people because you only have so much time in the day working a full time job and trying to build your own business. So I actually turned inward, develop the leader within me. And I was like, Yeah, we got it, we got to take advantage of the time that we do have. And so I was I started getting up at 530 that I moved out to 515. Then I moved up to 445. Then I moved at 430. And now we're at 345. And I have a son, son now so it made that adjustment very, very easy. Because now I just take like the super early morning shifts to like feed him and do things and spend time with him. And now I incorporate my my inner leadership development journey with my son, and it's triggered me to start writing my book for my son about leadership and what that looks like and how we meet within our own life. Hmm.

Megan Swan 04:18

So many follow up questions. I completely relate to this sort of, you know, starting there was an integral part of my and you know, initial phases of taking better care of myself as in, you know, that really at that point, I was not a new mom, I had a two and a four year old. But yeah, started with 10 minute morning routine. And now it's, you know, on a good day a non negotiable. It's always an hour if I get to it's amazing. So I love that you explained that you didn't just start getting up at 345. So people understand that. It's a process.

Jay Chase 04:57

It's a process. It's a process. It's a process. us? Yes.

Megan Swan 05:01

So, and I love that you shared because I also thought when you said three, four, I'm like, Oh, so you're taking the morning shift with the baby. But I didn't want to share it before you did. So congratulations. By the way, it's such an exciting moment in time as a new parent, so I love that you're sort of taking advantage of that spark of inspiration of, you know, what do I want to teach my son? And what can you share with us in terms of some sort of basics for you that you might even, you know, from something that a child can understand about leadership?

Jay Chase 05:44

Yes. Oh, I love that leadership is, is nothing but influence. Leadership is nothing but influence. Some people think leadership is a title, his position is people giving you permission. So you can lead them IT leadership is not even that all it is is influence over people, and how you influence people. And the number one lesson that I want to teach my son. And that's it easy enough for a kid to grasp from the early ages of development of that autonomy, is that in order to influence people, you have to add value. And that and that will equate to your leadership. How much value add to people? Yeah,

Megan Swan 06:31

well, I think you just kind of need to sort of we naturally started talking about how you operate in terms of self leadership, and you know, really starting your day with a lot of intention so that you're in the best place to, you know, fill other people's cup, maybe on some, on some level. Was that always innate and natural to you? Or did you maybe like, start trying to have a positive impact and add value before you were really supporting yourself? First?

Jay Chase 07:02

Yeah, no. I love this question. It's really a question because I think it's something that's not talked about enough, with everybody wanting to share their story. And everybody's speaker nowadays, and everybody has a story. But no, I spent four years developing myself before I even spoke of like my journey. And I think it's vital for anybody who spent a decent amount of time alone with them. Before they start, you know, trying to pour other people's cup, because, you know, we had to fill ourselves up first, you know, if we were on an airplane, the flight attendant would tell you, if the plane starts to go down, put the mask on yourself first, before you try to save somebody else. And so it's really looking at like, you know, what do I need to overcome? And once I overcome that, then the people I can help or people that I used to be Hmm.

Megan Swan 07:50

So can you share maybe some of the threads of aspects of yourself you felt like had to overcome or sit with or deal with? How are we going?

Jay Chase 07:59

Oh, man, I don't even know if we got enough time on this podcast.

Megan Swan 08:03

I didn't say

Jay Chase 08:07

love it. shame, guilt, doubt. Insecurities. My biggest thing is rejection. I follow through on commitments, controlling my emotions. But really, really, the biggest thing I had to do was stop speaking without thinking like that. It's just like, I got to understand that my superpower is the encourager, my superpower is the leader, my superpower is giving, providing hope for others who don't have, like, that's something I'm gifted with. And I had to stop using that strength over extended. When when I would find myself in an angry, angry situation, when I wouldn't follow through on my commitments, when I would be met with rejection, or not acknowledged for my accomplishments are not even getting a compliment. It's just who I am, that I would speak without thinking and ended up lashing out and hurting others. So those are things that I really had to overcome this need for approval, this primary drive for interaction, like like when, like when I turned when I get into conflict, I tend to attack so like I really had to overground to like I got things in me that I that sparked my leadership journey within and now I can be this great, amazing man that people see and now I can pour out because these are the things that I've actually overcame by myself and like I can I can pinpoint them and know what I teach know what I do and know what how I love on people.

Megan Swan 09:37

The lashing out in anger, I can relate to that one do. Was it more of a mirror that was coming up? Or was it really just something like made you reflect personally differently on how you're showing up?

Jay Chase 09:51

Yeah, so in 2017 February 5, I woke up in a jail cell and didn't know how I got there didn't remember black about like, the night before, I was just drinking too much. And it's not the first time I woke up in a jail cell. So naturally what I do when I wake up in jail, so I press this little button, right, you know, you'd like I got a routine at this point. I'm like, You're we are good. But I push this little button. It's like, hey, what's my bond? No bond. I was like, whoa, hold up. This is the first time we've never had a bond. Normally, I'd get in jail. And I could just bond out, we'll deal with it later, you know, down in court lawyer, whatever. But no bond. I was like, What did I do to kill somebody? Like what that was, I had no recollection of it. And I press the buzzer getting in. I said, Yo, what's the charges? And they said, probation violation. And I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was like, at least I know what I did. At least I know, you know, what I, what I'm facing, I know what I'm facing. Right? And other JS gone for 11 years? Well, luckily, you didn't go that way. I spent, like 27 days and counting. And then I spent five months in prison for like a shock. They went to show me what my life would be like, if I kept believing the way that I was leaving, I was like, Absolutely, I get it. But during those five months, I've been isolated by myself in prison, I really had to confront me. And I had to ask myself, why are you so angry? Like, who you angry at. And then when I really started getting down to it, when I really started getting down to the am I angry at somebody or with somebody or situation, I was angry at the things that I let people have power over me for, like my father, my mother, my sister. So I just started forgiving, and started forgiving myself for letting myself down for leading myself down this road for making the decisions that I made, because I was lashing out. And it really made me think that I was only reacting because of the relationships and the anger that I held within the relationships that I had with everyone around me, not just family members, friends, the people that I felt important to me, it's just how I treated them. And I was like, Wow, this only happened when I drink. And so I literally had to turn inward. confront me, ask myself who I was angry at, when it came down to it, I was angry at myself because I wasn't making the best decisions for myself nor leading my life in the right direction that I wanted to lead it or living up to the potential that I've been blessed with. So then I'm like, Okay, from here on out, I've found not, not to lash out not to be angry, but to to be a good person and work on myself and put myself first.

Megan Swan 12:27

So can you speak maybe more to like, is that just an all in an internal dialogue? Or do you come to that through journaling? Like, are there tools that you use to help yourself, you know, reflect more deeply?

Jay Chase 12:42

Yeah, yeah. She said, make it practical. I mean, I need some practical steps. What can we do? I love it. I love it. It's, I read a book called the power of forgiveness. A lot of people talk about self care. A lot of people talk about your self care routine, a lot of people talk about self love. I don't believe you can get to any of those things until you go to self forgiveness. Like we got to go through that murky water of self forgiveness. And this book called The power, the power of forgiveness. And like I couldn't tell you who wrote the book, I couldn't tell you what the overarching point was about the book, but I can tell you the one thing that got me that hit me in the heart and it said that forgiveness isn't for the adjuster, but it's for yourself, it's to reclaim the power that you have given somebody else and I was like oh well you mean I don't gotta be angry. And so I started writing letters and the one practice that helped me the most was I made a list of everybody that I needed to forgive that I've given power to that I've that I've let control over my emotions of and then I started writing out to my father I hate you for I hate you for I hate you for I hate you for on the front page of this paper and on the backside I forgive you for those exact same things and I don't believe that forgiveness is complete until release and so once I was writing those forgive you I forgive you for statements that wasn't me releasing that back to wherever it needs to go but I didn't meet and and I did that for my father and my mother my sister my sister my sister mother sister and my other sister and I did for myself and I list I literally identified isolated and devalued what I hated them for how much I held on to that and released it and let it go. So the practical ways write down what it is and then forget it.

Megan Swan 14:35

Yeah, I love that. And it does seem natural to you to do yourself last

Jay Chase 14:42

it still felt something brewing and After confronting all those issues after confronting all those people wouldn't like wouldn't myself I the only person I actually write that letter to is my father. And but my mom, my mother, I think she's heard me speak about this, this practice before like on stage But she never she's never seen the letter read it and neither me my sisters. But I read it to my father. But when it came to me, I was still like, I was still like, there's something I need to forgive myself, which was and it made me think back to the book and said, forgiveness is for me, not for anybody else. And I still did it for other people. And, and so then that's where I was, uh, yeah, I gotta have a difficult conversation with me.

Megan Swan 15:25

So is it a goal or a dream of yours to be a motivational speaker? Or did this just kind of like, organically fall? Absolutely. in your lap?

Jay Chase 15:35

Food? Absolutely not. Looking back, you'll always hear me say that life can only be understood backwards, but we're forced to experience it forward. So looking backwards, I'm like, Oh, of course, here's the steps. There it is. There's a sign of the symbols that like, I can even trace back to the point where it started. But moving and navigating through that. I was like, Absolutely not. I remember laying in prison and general population, this guy would get up every single night tall, like big white dude, tattoos all over his head all over his body. And he would literally get up and read Scripture and like, basically preach to everybody in the pie. And it was one it was one day, when evening. I was laying down on my bunk and he comes in, he comes to myself, and he said, You know, that's supposed to be you. Right? And I was like, what? Well, like, get out of here. What are you talking about? Well, I love what you say. Like, I feel you I'm rocking with you. But yeah, that, that Amy's not supposed to be you've got told me to come tell you that that's supposed to be you. And I'm leaving. I'm not gonna be here no more. I'm gonna, I'm getting transferred. And so I need you to keep this going. And I was like, Yeah, I little behold that he got transferred the next day. And I was like, Oh, snap. And so I just call it to literally pick up scripture and just kind of continue and interpret the scripture that I read to the people in the pot. Through then that was the first time I ever like got in front of people and spoke. And like it felt natural to learn. Nobody listened to me. I'm trying I'm out. You know, I'm really I'm really trying. So I kept it up. And then it fell to the wayside. But then I so cars for nine and a half years. And I'm like, Oh, I am a communications expert. And now I'm teaching now I'm you know, as top top car salesman for my company, doing those things. And I'm like, Oh, it makes sense now. So naturally, it's always been there. Did I acknowledge it? Or lean into it? Absolutely. Not. I ran from it. But, you know, once I finally sat down and started sharing my story, my podcast, people started listening. And I was like, oh, okay, I got you.

Megan Swan 17:43

So looking back, do you think that he was just planting a seed? Like, what did he see in you?

Jay Chase 17:51

I couldn't tell you, I it. Looking back at that moment, I was like, Yo, I had no control in that situation. It was nothing to me, that had nothing to do with me. That was on like, in like the the conversations that I was having myself the prayers I was praying, like, I was just like, Alright, cool. I at this point, I have surrendered to all that I know. And I had no control, being in a place of like, no control at all. So it was the fact that I was like, Yo, if this, I gotta have something else direct my steps, because I've tried it my way and ended up in prison. So let's make the most of it while I'm here, and at least be of some type of servitude. And that really birth my mindset of servant leadership

Megan Swan 18:37

into touch. All right, so let's place I'm so curious, like, what are some of the communication skills that you you pull out of all of your experiences as a car salesman into leadership? motivational speaking?

Jay Chase 18:59

Yeah, one would be understanding that everybody speaks in a different language than not everybody communicates how you communicate. So first and foremost, I'm a certified disc facilitator, teacher, trainer, communications, expert name and emotional intelligence practitioner. And what that does is break down the four personality styles that every single person seems to have, right? This assessment was developed about 100 years ago by the same guy who developed the first lie detector test, and the character Wonder Woman, absolutely insane. Like, you know, I'm like, I was like, how do those two like have any common scenario, right? And, but they're both designed to get the truth out. And so they say that this assessment, and this tool is designed to show you who you really are and who you're not. And so when but when I learned that each part Each personality style has a different communication style. I'm like, Oh, I get it. People don't care how much I know until they know how much I care. And just because I speak in a certain way doesn't mean that they're going to resonate, right? With my personality style being being very extroverted, very people oriented and very fast paced. Like, there's only 30% of the world that's going to communicate with me. And if I learned how to speak another language or another communication style, that's going to take my closing percentage from 30%, to 60%. Because it's 3030 28, and 12%, like these four different quadrants of people on communication style. And I was like, Okay, do and so when I was able to learn that and learn the priority, and the pace of each communication style, I can communicate with somebody very well within the first 60 seconds of saying hello to them. And one, either people are very people oriented, where they put people first, or they're very task oriented, where they put test scores, right? Or they're either very fast pace, or they're very slow pace, right? There's a mixture of some there's a, you know, in between, but you can either tell from those from just that. And so when somebody's slow paced, and task oriented, I got to slow down and look at what we're doing. Right? Because I'm people oriented and fast pace that's going to be right there. abrasive, right? So I got so it's adaptability, the biggest thing that I teach is adaptability being able to adapt to different communication styles. Brilliant.

Megan Swan 21:35

Love that answer. Yeah, so how, what I guess about fatherhood has surprised you so far. Oh, man.

Jay Chase 21:47

What about fatherhood has surprised me so far? How looking at my child made me realize, even as adults, we're just big babies. When we get hungry, we screen all right. When we when we're not getting our needs met, we throw a fit, you know, it takes a level of self awareness. You know, there's a statistic out there, if you believe that statistic from that 15%, that 15% of people are actually self aware. And that's cognitive of thinking, behavior, communication, and emotional intelligence, self regulation, and social regulation, social awareness and self awareness. And so when looking at my child, and knowing that he is completely dependent on me, his mother, and to meet those needs, that is in any type of control, is that is how I should be leading life. Not trying to control things, but more of adding value to wherever I find myself and depending on the relationships around me to maximize and leverage the opportunity.

Megan Swan 23:05

Good answer. All right. So let's wind I want to talk a little bit about your podcast again. Was that something that kind of just fell into your lap? Or did it seem sounded fun? Or how did that start?

Jay Chase 23:21

Yeah, complete challenge, man. That's this is why I always talk about your environment. I hosted a Bible study for about a year, and my house and in my home for people who just wanted to develop a relationship with God. And that's what I did. I didn't go to church. I'm not very religious, but I'm very spiritual in touch with my relationship with my Creator. And I was hosting a Bible study and our friend who I've known since high school, junior high, was coming in beautiful things were happening. Like he's never even picked up a Bible and he's in the green room versus right in my in my living room. I'm like, yo, this is crazy. Like, I'm the furthest thing from a pasture, right? I'm like, yo, this is crazy, right? And then one day after I was at ESA, J man, because I kind of facilitated it like trainer naturally style. I didn't know it. But um, Jay, you got a an amazing testimony. You got an amazing story, man, I think so many people would benefit from hearing it. And here's how you should start a podcast. And I laughed at him. The same thing I did with dude, in the person that laughed at me. Yeah, right. And I was like, Yo, if, if you show me how to create a successful podcast, within with a plan a strategy when you show me how to do it. I'll do it in 30 days. And two days later, he shows up with a handwritten business plan on how to create a successful podcast. Now, it's like dope, I'll see you in 30 days. And 30 days later, I released the first four episodes of my podcast, and now heading into 2023 I have one of the top rated mindset podcasts to follow in 2023.

Megan Swan 25:05

So, very good thing. Congratulations.

Jay Chase 25:09

Thank you. It is very, very interesting how it plays out. But yeah, definitely something that was not planned. It was kind of like laughed at again, like, I know, no.

Megan Swan 25:19

It's continues to be sort of a labor of love, like how do you look at your process and creating content for it?

Jay Chase 25:29

I have developed a lot within since starting it. And this is why I always say that we're always evolving, we're always developing. Because now it's not about me anymore. First, my story is about me at first, it was my story. At first it was, you know, this is the pain that I felt. Well, now I look at it like, just because I got cut on my leg and you got cut on your arm doesn't mean that we felt pain any differently. People are listening, I believe that your your story has the power to change someone's life. So now I interview people from all over the world. Now, I continue to put out episodes, because there's people who have directly reached out to me and said that I've helped them, you know, as I pray every single morning at 345, to not be in control but to be effective. It shows the return on my investment.

Megan Swan 26:23

Last question, we started off talking about leadership really just being influence. So what are you trying to influence at the moment?

Jay Chase 26:33

Yeah, honestly, I am literally looking for leaders to add value to I'm like, constantly looking for leaders to add value to I call it the Maxwell theory. So a huge inspirator mine is John C. Maxwell, right in number one leadership development coach, he literally trained leaders from every single country in the world. I mean, just every when you think of every single country, he has trained leaders from that country, and phenomenal, phenomenal guy. And he made a vow to serve 11 leaders to be available for him for free whenever he wants to. And so I call it the Maxwell theory of every time I book a client, I have to find a client or find a leader to serve for free. So the return on investment from last week was I had three leaders reach out to me, I only work with very few select leaders at a time because I do more organ organization training. And I made myself available for these three leaders, and they're in my program where we're doing our thing. But then I was like, ah, Maxwell theory, now I gotta find three leaders to serve for free. So it's like, I'm looking for people to add value to and like I said, leader leadership is influence and how do you influence people by adding value, and leaders go find the people that they add value to? It's not that they sit around and wait for people to ask for help. But we go out and add value so we can elevate and help people lead their lives better. So what I'm trying to influence right now, just people, just people to live a better life. That's

Megan Swan 28:12

amazing. You could sort of dilute down like, is there sort of like a common theme that you're really seeing people specifically struggle with? That's, you know, maybe speaks to the times?

Jay Chase 28:28

Yo, yes, and no, people believe that people aren't, or the only thing that really makes people frustrated, is the art of communication. They don't know how to express or they express too much. Either their priorities, is clashing with somebody else's priority, or their pace is clashing with somebody else's pace, whether that's people in task or whether that's slow and fast. So I believe that all conflict boils down to communication, or are you trying to get across and what is coming across? So when it comes to developing leaders going problem is just take the time to listen to someone, like as much of a great speaker in my and like as much of an influencer, that I am in leadership development coach and working with all these companies and helping people achieve success. Listen to them. The first thing I have somebody is talking to you about your failures. Like that's my first leadership question when anybody brings me in anybody wants to work with me. So you talk to me about your failures. And I'm able to help them develop from the inside out. From where they've Yeah.

Megan Swan 29:38

Ah, well, thank you so much for this conversation.

Jay Chase 29:41

Yeah, this has been phenomenal. Thank you for having me. It's a joy, a joy.

Megan Swan 29:48

We'll share all the ways to connect with you. But is there anything specific you want to point people to?

Jay Chase 29:54

Um, yeah, just DJ chase.com You can find all the stuff there. Um, All the features were where the events are everything the EJ J's dot com, you'll be able to find it all. And on all social media platforms, the J shakes.

Megan Swan 30:13

Amazing. Well, thank you so much for your time and yeah, we'll be in touch soon. Oh yeah